Well, for some reason beyond my comprehension, someone wished really hard and managed to get a white Christmas in Atlanta.
Normally, I'd be as excited about this as the next person. Provided I was at home enjoying the scenery from the comfort of my home.
However, as it turns out, I am currently shaking the overtime tree rather vigorously. Because of departmental "shortcomings", each shift has only two people. And when one's shiftmate has roughly two weeks of vacation to use and is quicker than ones self in requesting said vacation time, it leads to massive amounts of overtime, albeit forced.
My current rotation has me off on Fridays and Saturdays.
Well, Christmas Day was a Saturday this year, so the company paid holiday was Friday.
I've been working since the Sunday prior, so with shiftmate off on vacation for the week, I get to work my days off. And come back on Sunday and Monday because that's shiftmate's normal off days.
Well, as you might remember, I'm not particularly fond of snow.
Especially when work's involved, ie when it snows while I'm at work and effectively traps me there because my relief can't get in.
So there I am, working on Christmas Day, when it starts to snow. And stick.
But it's only making the streets wet, so driving isn't a hazard yet. It's continuing to come down, and I'm sweating bullets about whether or not relief will be in.
Thankfully, relief arrived and I flew my happy ass home.
Well, so to speak anyway.
I drove with conditions in mind.
Temperatures, which were right above freezing, are now dropping, making those wet roads a major hazard.
Thankfully, I don't have to be at work again until 3pm tomorrow, meaning that with projected daytime temperatures in the mid 40's, it'll all be melted by the time I have to go back in.
Remember that, kids. Grandpa Merlin doesn't do snow and ice well.
I know I'm going to be missing birthdays because your mother didn't have the common sense to have ya'll in warm weather, but these things cannot be helped. I love ya'll regardless.
Perhaps one day all my nagging of your mother will bear fruit and ya'll will move down here where it's warm (okay, most of the time - it's still better than KC, especially regarding volume of snow. Here you get a pretty picture and it's gone, there it stays for months and keeps coming - see blizzard)
Or, I'll win the lottery and it'll be a complete non issue.
I'm voting for the lottery win myself.
And that's got me thinking of just what I'd do if I were to win.
So come along if you will, for a Christmas fantasy story, about what I'd do.
First thing, get the money. Seriously, I want it accessible. And lets say, since it's my fantasy, that the jackpot is about 200 million for Mega Millions. (Which it is, I just checked).
Okay, so I've won. Now I have to decide whether to take the lump sum or the annuity.
If I take the lump sum, I'll get approximately 50 - 75 million before taxes. Taxes would then take approximately 50% (ballpark figure), leaving me with 25 - 37.5 million. No further taxes on that money, apart from sales taxes.
Or, I can take the annuity - this is a guaranteed payment yearly of 1/20th of the jackpot, spaced out over 20 years. However, taxes come out of this each year. So, ballparking it as 200 million that makes a yearly payment of approximately 10 million, of which 50% is taken for taxes, leaving 5 million. Over a 20 year span, I would eventually end up with 100 million.
Now, I believe that in the case of an annuity, it's part of my Estate.
So that's also a factor. Decisions, decisions.
I elect to go for the annuity.
Now, I have by this time engaged an accountant, a lawyer and probably a business manager. So, it's time to spend money. First, no matter what time of year it is, I'm going to grab Grandpa Don and drag him to the airport, where we will be hopping on the first flight to see you. While en route to the airport, I'll be arranging Uncle Ian's transportation to KC.
Thats the best thing about fantasies. No matter what, everyone does exactly what you want them to. So we fast forward, and your mom's prepared because she was in the top 5 of the people I called when this happened.
We arrive at the door, and everyone's ready to go. Despite Grandpa Don's bitching (and even in a fantasy, that's gonna happen) we're going to Disney World. I want to show you both the Magic Kingdom, the way it really should be seen. No holds barred, Ultra VIP treatment.
So after spending a million or two creating that fantasy within a fantasy, reality beckons.
Of course, I'm buying you a house somewhere warm. That, there's going to be absolutely no argument about. I'm not saying Texas warm, I'm saying where ever it is, there will not be measurable snowfall for an extended period.
And trust funds would be established for ya'll. College too.
You'd be able to meet Polgara and HRH Cleopatra too. That would be nice.
So I'm thinking compound, myself. That's where you have a large area of land that's yours, and you essentially subdivide it by building separate houses with a common area in the center.
You'd be in one house, I'd be in another, Grandpa Don and Uncle Ian in theirs, Grandma Lisa & Grandpa Joe in theirs... and it'd be on a lake. With mountains in the distance.
(Hey, it's my fantasy, I get to do this)
And that's how I'd spend the first year's money.
Fast forward to year two... travel. I'd buy an apartment on The World - specifically, since this is fantasy, the six bedroom penthouse, seen here. The World is a luxury liner that offers a unique opportunity to explore the world. You buy an apartment, like a condominium, and you travel to different world ports, where you can depart, and rejoin the ship at a later date in another port. I'm not explaining it clearly, it's late and I'm tired.
Regardless, that's how I want to travel. And with the size of that apartment, company isn't an issue, so when you're out of school, you'll be travelling. Just so you know.
Auntie Mame, that's me. Give me the money and I'll show you how to live.
Anyway... it's late, I'm tired, and that's enough of this fantasy for now.
Merry Christmas, Andrea & Aiden, and Jessica and Chris, and to all, a good night.
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