Adoption information summary

Well, it arrived - the summary of the non-identifying information about my adoption.
And, as it turns out, the majority of my theories about the circumstances surrounding my adoption were correct, however as it turns out, my biological father isn't listed in the case record, and there is little to no further information about my birth mother's family either.

However, to quote: "According to the case record, the attorney who handled your adoption had handled several legal matters for your adoptive mother's family for years. <side note, this I already knew from Blake, who referred to him as "a crook" - coming from another lawyer, hard to tell if that's praise or judgement> He was aware of your adoptive parents' desire for a child and their inability to conceive children of their own. A few weeks prior to your birth, the attorney notified your adoptive parents of your birth mother's plan of adoption for you. Your birth mother 'was not able to provide a suitable home' for you. Shortly after your birth, the attorney took you to meet your adoptive parents and you were lovingly welcomed into their home. < I love how they editorialize and use "lovingly welcomed"... > Your adoptive parents paid the hospital bills and possibly for some of your birth mother's expenses. "
I was right. I was paid for.
Seems the Department of Public Welfare attempted to interview her, however she wasn't at the address listed in the case record. She signed me over to Sam & Faye on February 18, 1961, with the adoption finalized on August 3rd 1962.
There has been no contact with Georgia Adoption Registry from any member of my birth family since then.

Well, where do I go now? I'm wondering about paying the $300 to try and find her.
I wonder what I'll get with the $300?
What if they find her and she says "no" ? That's always a possibility.
Wow. This even overshadows your birth, Andrea. Sorry about that, I'm still thrilled beyond mortal comprehension that you're here and safe and healthy, but right now I've got this thrown on my plate, all about my birth and my adoption, and the potential for finding my birth mother.
And it's going to be an interesting next couple of months, lemme tell you.
Enough for now, I posted what I needed to, i.e. the verification of my theories surrounding my adoption.
I was right. Hell yeah, that does feel good.

Biologicals, part 2c

In kicking off this search for my biologicals, I have tried to ensure the success of this venture in every way I can think of.
To this end, I have gotten a quote of $1350 from a search agency to find my birth mother.
Since I've only recently requested the information in my file, I have no way of knowing whether there's a no-contact order in place, whether she's registered with the program and is looking for me, or exactly what the situation is.
In speaking with the sales person/case worker for the search service, I did glean more information however; things such as my biological mother's age at the time of my birth was probably between 14 and 19, that indeed, based on my mother's age at the time of my adoption, it had to have been "private".
Infants, especially white infant males didn't get put in households with 50+ year old women as first children, even in the 1960's. And then to follow it up 2.5 years later with a baby girl.
I can remember when she was brought home, and how she was still bleeding from the umbilical cord - Jolene's adoption will have to remain a mystery, since I'm not legally allowed to persue that.
Mine, on the other hand, you'll see unfolding before you.
I guess this is what they mean by a blog evolving.

Biologicals, part 2b

Some quick clarifications need to be made - when I paid my $35 fee today for the non-identifying contents of my adoption file, I got to ask a few questions, and this is what I found out.
First off, if there is not a non-disclosure form in the file, then I can pay $300 and they'll find my birth mother and find out whether she will allow contact.
They will also check to see if she registered with them (Georgia Adoption Registry), and if she has, then they will try to set up contact.
Contact. Wow.
Andrea, I don't know if I'm going to be alive when you're capable of really understanding this blog, but this is why I'm writing it. It's both therapeutic for me and hopefully allows you some insight into me. This is really big - and it's something that's going to take months to unfold - but it's something I've put into motion because I simply had to.
Of course, I'm really thinking in terms of contact here - there's always the chance that there's a non-disclosure form in the file or my biologicals don't want to meet me for reasons of their own.
I don't fantasize that I'm going to gain a new family, however I confess to fantasizing about finding genetic siblings - in my eyes that would be so cool - a few years too late, but cool none the less.
So I'm going to hope that either my biological has registered or that there's no non-disclosure in my file - and find out in about 4-6 weeks, just in time for my 47th birthday, and your arrival.

About that - little darling, I hope you'll forgive me for not being there when you arrived, however here's something you'll have discovered for yourself by the time you read this blog - your Uncle Merlin absolutely positively abhors snow and given that you're going to be born in Kansas City, Missouri in the middle of winter, (it's not my fault your parents are heathen savages), 'nuff said.

(Aside to Jessica: I love you darlin' !! *smoooch* )
I've been spoiled by living in Atlanta, where it hardly ever snows - and if it does snow, the city and surrounding areas come to a grinding halt if there's an inch on the ground. Yes, you read that correctly, an inch. Unfortunately, you happen to live in an area that has 3 seasons - winter, tornadoes and road construction. And yes, you detect that note of gloat because I don't have to deal with snow that's measured in feet.
And I won't deal with snow that's measured in feet, either.
Don't worry, you'll love visiting me. I'm fun.
And believe it or not, your Grandfather Don is a hoot.

The Accident

At various times in my writing, I've referred to my sister and alluded to the fact that she died at an early age without going into detail.

To further clarify, she died in 1979 at the age of 15, I had just turned 18 a few months prior. I had not been living with the parents for a few months, having moved out due to a basic incompatibility between my burgeoning sexuality and spirituality and my parent's belief system which did not allow for either.

This left my sister at home to deal with the parents - who apparently felt that since they had failed with one child, they certainly weren't going to fail with the second. Things for her proceeded from tolerable when I was there to be the fall guy, to intolerable when I moved out. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she ran away with her then boyfriend Glenn and planned to go to California. She showed up on my door on a Thursday afternoon, and begged me not to report her location to the parents. I honestly thought that I could help her, and so I agreed.


The machinations of Fate intervened, and over the course of the next couple of days, not only did I come out to her, I managed to convince her that dropping out and running to California wasn't in her best interests, and that she should at least stay in school and graduate; I even volunteered to let her stay with me some weekends so she could at least have some time away from the parents, something I was sure I could manage to implement.

At this time, I was a student at Ravenwood Church and Seminary of Wicca, and had been for a number of months. One of the things that Ravenwood did was to host an Open House on Friday nights, and my sister attended one that Friday night. There again, Fate played a hand, as she met the people that would play a significant role in the rest of her life.


Jumping ahead to Sunday, the night of the accident; we (my roommate Barbara, myself, my sister and her boyfriend) went to dinner and then to Ravenwood, where I had been working on a poem to be used as an invocation to the Moon. Lady Sintana was downstairs, as were David and Barbara, and we were all around the dining room table. My sister was her usual self, flitting around, emptying ashtrays and helping straighten things up. There were also a young couple in the living room, who had encountered some problems with travelling and been recommended to Ravenwood by Traveler's Aid. The other people in the house at the time were Peggy and her boyfriend who were upstairs in her room, and Sintana's daughter Sybil and her boyfriend Harry. Sybil and Harry decided to go out for ice cream, and so weren't in the house when everything happened.

Sintana decided to go upstairs to bed, and Barbara mentioned having to work in the morning, so Glenn volunteered to take Barbara home and come back for us, since I was still working on my poem. About 20 minutes passed, and Glenn came back; since I was still working on my poem, Glenn sat down at the table to my right to wait for me to come to a stopping point; meanwhile, David, who had been sitting at the table across from me, got up, left the dining room and came back with a bowling bag.

He proceeded to open the bag and pull out a gun. To this day, I can't tell you what kind of gun it was aside from the fact that it wasn't a revolver and I think that makes it an automatic. He proceeded to eject the clip from the gun and pulled the bullet out of the chamber. I was watching this with some interest, since this was the first time I'd ever been this close to a gun. He blew in the chamber, and proceeded to clean it. Then, he put the clip back in the gun, and it was at this time that my sister walked around to him and said "I dare you". I looked up at this exchange, and thought that my sister was crazy, but just fooling around.

David looked at her like she had just sprouted 2 extra heads, and she repeated herself - "I dare you" - David looked at her again, and picked up the gun, holding it in a relaxed grip, and pulled back the hammer ... then the gun went off.

The first thing that went through my head was "okay, it was a blank and she just fainted..." but then I saw the blood and knew my life had been forever changed. My first reaction was to pick up the phone and dial the Operator (this was before 911) - to get the police and an ambulance-but for whatever reason, the phone didn't work immediately. I tried again, and managed to get through, giving the information to the Operator, and managed to get police and an ambulance dispatched.

Meanwhile, David (who was an unemployed EMT) was trying to do First Aid on my sister, and Glenn picked up the gun off the table and was acting like he was going to shoot David. I don't know what came over me, but I distinctly remember saying "NO! There's been enough Death tonight, put down the gun!" - thankfully, he did. I then turned and walked out of the dining room, to find Sintana flying down the stairs and the couple from Traveler's Aid coming to see what had happened - I stopped them and said "my sister's been shot", and broke down in tears.

The immediate aftermath was a blur, however police and emergency response times were nothing short of miraculous. I kind of believe that was due in no small part to the location of the accident, but that's irrelevant now. As it turned out, one of the emergency responders happened to be not only a Judge, but also the father of one of my former High School and Hebrew School classmates, and who knew me. Having brought myself under a degree of control, I asked him as he exited the dining room if my sister was alright, and he shook his head. The only thing I can remember at that point is grabbing a pillow and shoving it in my mouth before throwing myself into the couch and screaming from the very pit of my soul.

Immediately afterwards, I went to find Lady Sintana, and found her in the kitchen with David and a couple of policemen. I immediately went over to David and hugged him as Sintana and the policemen looked on in disbelief. I said "it was an accident... a horrible horrible accident"... then the policemen put David in handcuffs, as I said ... "you don't need to do that, it was an accident". As David was taken away, Glenn and I were taken down to the police station for our statements - while there, I realized that it was my responsibility to tell my parents that my baby sister had gotten killed under my watch.

Which they didn't know about because they had no idea where she was at the time.

So - from the police station, I made a number of phone calls - first to the Cantor at my parent's Synagogue, because not only had he known the family for years, his wife had been one of my teachers at Hebrew School. I called him because I needed him to call the Rabbi, to warn him that I was going to be calling and needing a house call due to the immensity of this emergency. After that, I called my mother's physician and got him to make a house call, because I knew, just absolutely knew, that this was going to kill my mother. I then convinced a City of Atlanta cop to drive us over there, because when my mother keeled over with a heart attack, I wanted a police officer to make the call for an ambulance because it would have been a quicker response.

We gathered outside my parents apartment ... me, the Rabbi, the Cantor, my mother's Dr, the Atlanta City cop, Barbara, and Lord Colin from Ravenwood - and I rang the bell. My father answered the door, and when he asked who it was, I had to say "It's me, and I've got some bad news ... there's been an accident and Jolene's dead. "

When he opened the door and saw all of us, I think he knew without my saying anything more that this was really happening - every parent's worst nightmare, the death of a child. We then went into the apartment to stand in the living room while my father went to get my mother.

When my mother came in, I had to repeat the news to her - that there had been a horrible accident, and Jolene was dead. What happened next remains permanently etched in my mind - my mother looked at me and said "Why wasn't it you? Why couldn't it have been you? We gave her everything, why wasn't it you?" - before breaking down in tears.

To this day, I cannot describe what I felt hearing those words - I did the only thing I could do, which was to excuse myself and go outside for air. When I got outside, I was walking in the parking lot and happened to look up and see the full Moon - and it was then I swore, on my sister's life, that I would be the greatest Witch in the world - [ that's something I've never before revealed, and something I honestly feel I've made great strides in achieving - not from a Power standpoint, but from a Spiritual one. ]

Next, sitting Shiva with the relatives and how the whole situation with the gossipy Aunt got started. I've put down enough for now, and need a break to regroup.